The Test Results Won’t Change Anything: Letter To My Unborn Son
To my sweet boy growing inside my belly….
Mommy loves you so much! I promise now and always to do everything I can to keep you safe. I hope you are comfortable in there, feeling warm and cozy. The outside world is pretty crazy right now, so definitely embrace every moment in there! I can feel you wiggling and kicking around every hour of the day, so you must be having a good time!
I went to our doctor’s appointment so they could take measurements and pictures of you. (That was all the pushing and poking around in case you were wondering). Our doctor noticed something a little abnormal on your head measurement. She said there was a small amount of extra fluid around your brain. Just to be safe, she referred me to a specialist. Yesterday, when you felt all that pushing and poking around again, that was another ultrasound from our new doctor. (Sorry if she woke you up, but she needed to get a good look at your body). Our doctor had good news that your heart is working perfectly. She said all of your other organs, face structure, and measurements looked wonderful as well! When she did a closeup of your brain, she saw the extra fluid that our first doctor saw. She said 10 mm or less of cerebral fluid is considered normal at your age. You have 11 mm of fluid, which means you have a little more than you should. I am doing more testing and will be meeting with the specialist every 3 weeks to monitor what is going on. She said there are so many different things that the extra fluid could be indicating, from it being something that will absorb on its’ own, to more severe complications down the road.
Mommy wants you to know that NO MATTER WHAT, we are in this together! God doesn’t make mistakes, and you are our perfectly amazing gift! I want to share with you a verse from a book you will learn to know very well, the Bible. “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” Psalm 139:13-14.
My sweet boy, this verse is talking about you!
You have a family that loves you so much already! You will be obsessed with your big sissy, just like your big brother is! I filled her in on what our doctor said. You will learn that Mommy is very emotional, as you’ve probably already discovered in there. I was crying a little bit as I explained everything. In the most calming and confident voice, she said “It’s ok, Mommy. No matter what, we will love him so much. This is all part of God’s plan….and that would be awesome if he is different, because that will make him that much more special!” <Insert ugly-cry tears from Mommy>. Your sissy is exactly right! NO MATTER WHAT, we are in this together, with God leading the way! I will do everything in my power to keep you safe, protected, and covered in prayer! There are already prayer warriors out there right now doing what they do best!
My sweet boy, I love you more than you could ever imagine! I want you to know that NO MATTER WHAT the test results tell us, it will not change anything! You are my perfect creation and blessing from God, and I am so thankful He chose me to be your mommy! I love you more than you could ever imagine, and I will keep doing everything I can to care for you inside my belly, until we meet face-to-face!
* Of course it’s never easy to find out that there may be something wrong with your precious angel growing inside your belly. Sometimes the “not knowing” is more difficult than confirmed news. Waiting on results can seem like an eternity. Honestly, this crazy year of 2020 has flown by so fast, but right now it feels like it was put on slow motion. I may not know what is specifically going on with our baby boy, medically-speaking. However, I do know his outcome. His outcome is that he will be loved so very much and cared for the best that we possibly can. My first 2 pregnancies flew by without any complications whatsoever or high-risk concerns. With my boy, that is kicking me as I type right now, we are considered in a high-risk pregnancy category. The unknown may or may not be answered with test results, or it could simply be a waiting-game situation.
The specialist was very direct in explaining the wide array of possibilities, from it being nothing, to the greatest severity on the spectrum. The only thing that broke my heart from all that she said was to be informed that if the test results do not come back normal, I have the option to terminate my pregnancy. I am still “within the time frame” she explained. To her I responded as clearly and directly as I possibly could, “Absolutely NOT! I would NEVER do that to my child! That will NOT be an option!” My little blessing is kicking and growing every day. How in the world could I ever consider ending his life??!! God has entrusted me with this beautiful life. It makes me sick to my stomach to even think about that, and so extremely angry that I should probably wrap up this blog before I go too deep or get my blood pressure up too high.
I will end on this note. I am a believer in Christ, and I am beyond grateful for the blessing He has given us with our sweet boy in my belly! NO MATTER WHAT, I wouldn’t change anything, because I am living God’s plan, which again, He makes no mistakes! I am not too proud of a person to ask for help, so I am reaching out to my brothers and sisters in Christ. Please cover us all in prayer, especially our bundle of joy! Thank you so much for reading this and thank you in advance for your prayers! I love you all!